Very nice! I often hear you breath in, but that ain't really a problem.
It is awesome that you rap about something else than money, women and fame (like some other rappers).
Keep it up, but try to make your own beats if you can.
Is this your first rap or do you have others? It doesn't sound like it is the first rapping you do.
I am not a professional at rapping or hip hop, but I really love listening to hip-hop / rap.